Oblate Program at Belmont Abbey, NC

The Judge

There are different types of judgment.  The one most often thought of, is when someone stands before an actual magistrate with some kind of sentence being handed out.  This is a form of justice and in the United States, one is considered innocent until proven guilty.  It is not actually about truth, but about swaying the jury in favor of one side or another.  In other words, ‘beyond reasonable doubt’ is the term used.  I have been on jury duty and that term can cause a great deal of difficulty for the jury.  In my case, the jury was hung; one man could not bring in a guilty verdict. I guess his idea of ‘beyond reasonable doubt’ was a little stricter than the rest of us on the jury with him.  Perhaps that was good, for I have no doubt that more people receive the guilty verdict, who are in fact innocent, than commonly believed.   Also, having enough money to get the best lawyers is certainly a good way to get a verdict of innocent.  I would think that some lawyers regularly represent men and women with whom they know are guilty, yet, they have a right to be represented and if they have the money, lucky them.  The rest, well if they are guilty or not, have to make do with state appointed attorneys, who are overworked to begin with and possibly burnt out….the best they can do is plea bargain much of the time.  So the system is imperfect, but perhaps better than most.

There is another kind of judgment, which can be helpful, if healthy and deadly if not.  I guess you can call it self judgment.  Some people choose a path in which others are simply a means to an end and I would think that most of us if not all, fall into that from time to time.  For others, it can become a permanent way of existence.   Objectifying another human being, reducing them to the level of being a mere object, to be used, or moved around, so life can be easier and more comfortable;. Others are used to reduce stress; they become a function, nothing else.  People who choose this path whole heartedly, in time loose the ability to feel any kind of remorse over the pain they cause those unlucky enough to come in contact with them.  Though they can feel deep anger and even sorrow, when their plans fall through. For ‘objects’ should do what they are supposed to do and when they don’t, frustration and anger come to the fore.  I suppose abusive relationship have this kind of foundation.  The victim dehumanized, existing only for the pleasure of the abuser.  Self judgment for these kinds of people seldom comes into play, for in their own eyes they are justified in what they do to others.  Good reasons for any kind of action are easy to come by.  There are different kinds of freedoms.  Some lead to greater life, others, while giving short term advantage lead in the end to death.

I would think most people want to do the right thing, or perhaps the most loving (compassionate) thing, would be a good word to use.   The deeper the commitment to such a course the more painful it can be when failure happens.  Love is orientated towards the ‘other’; our limitations are learned when we try to live out of this model.   Yet, we try.  When we fail to do the loving thing, we know it.  Love is perhaps the strictest of judges. For it is based perhaps on the only true thing, the knowing of the actual dignity of those around us. Which in turn leads to the understanding, that the making others into objects, or stereotypes, is quite possibly a form of sacrilege.   No one wants to be reduced to a ‘thing’, yet it is very easy to do that to another.

So the choice to use others leads to a certain kind of freedom over time.  A life without feeling any guilt over the damage done to others; which actually gives the one who lives like this an advantage over those who are struggling to live a decent human life..  It is an easy road at least as far as it goes on the level of experiencing any kind of remorse; for the price, a heavy one, is in allowing an important piece of ones humanity to die.  Usually any love felt is reserved to perhaps one or two people and very intense, yet in the end this to can be lost, since even loved ones can become ‘things’ who exist only for ones pleasure.  Once the pleasure is gone so is the love.  If indeed it can be actually called that.

Freedom from obligation towards others can seem weightless, fun, easy, yet the price can be steep in the end.  For without at least the desire to love and be of service to others, leads to the worst kind of isolation, were in the end an essential aspect of ones humanity is lost, perhaps forever.   Perhaps this is what hell is, just being with oneself without end.  A way of existing, freely chosen, embraced, becoming cold as death, wherein any kind of warmth is impossible to feel; a place where the most painful of human experience would be felt as something warm and life-giving, if it were possible to feel it.  In the end, since I am a Christian, I believe that the only alternative is a love and mercy that is infinite and open.  Yet if choice is involved, the answer can always be ‘No!’

Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery

Originally published at: http://markdohle.multiply.com/journal

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