Oblate Program at Belmont Abbey, NC

I don’t kid myself

francis-mercy-webThere is a saying, though who originally said it I have no idea. The saying goes like this: “Human justice is without mercy.” I believe there is more than a grain of truth to this, mostly from experiencing this within my own heart. It is easy for me to condemn, it is almost instinctive and the power in which it is felt can at times frighten me. Thinking in terms of justice, when it is revenge that I really seek; best served cold as they say. It does not have to have anything to do with me; it can be a news item, something I read about, or even better, when watching a movie. So yes, revenge, mercy, no. I am often disappointed when someone does not get “what is coming to them”. It seems to be a very primitive aspect of my inner life, probably fed from the deep dark pool of my past experiences, at least partly; the rest is just my humanity. Perhaps in the past it was needed, but this tendency seems to have outlived it usefulness for the most part.

Over the years, I have learned not to trust my first reactions towards something that I feel is an injustice, either done to me, or to another. Justice sought in anger is often ineffective, though anger in itself is a very good emotion if used probably. It gives one the energy and will to right a wrong and the fortitude to see it through. Justice brings balance; revenge just allows things to fall into further chaos. It is difficult being human, being just and fair makes it even harder, yet in the long run it makes life run more smoothly, both on an individual and communal level.

I don’t kid myself, nor can I place myself above those who fall into revenges trap, it is easy, and seems right at the time. Just read the papers, it never works. Tit for tat, hit for hit, slap for slap, then death for a wound, until the innocent fair targets to make a point. No I could also fall into that, and I pray that I will never be put in a situation where I do not seek God’s grace, mercy and healing before I act.

Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery

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