In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus told his disciples to wait while he went a little further to pray, for he said to them “my soul is sorrowful unto death”. I have often read over that statement without looking back, or even trying to even if for a moment to understand what that meant, or perhaps better to say, what the experience was. I have experienced sorrow but to tell you the truth I am not capable of feeling too much, I think the thick layer of anger that lies deep in my heart, is there to protect me from that inner ocean that perhaps we all have of sorrows that build up from our past. I wonder what the cost is, this walling in, but also perhaps needed until the time is right to allow the flood gates to flow. I think the purgatorial experience, taught by the older branches of Christianity has a place for this inner healing grace to take place.
Now there are people whom I think have developed an ability to partake in the sorrow of Christ to a degree that is quite remarkable. For many Mother Theresa’s name would come up, for she spent a large part of her life helping those who were truly outcast, dying in the streets without anyone to help them. A man from India once told me that when Americans and other foreigners first come to India, they are overwhelmed with what they find all around them. An ocean of suffering and dying human beings lying around on the streets, just being passed by or stepped over; in other words ignored. So these tourists for a few days go crazy bringing blankets and food for the people, but soon tire because it being an ocean of suffering is bottomless, or it seems so. Kind people, compassionate, sorrowful over what they see, but it only goes so far and they tire and stop. Perhaps it is a good thing that they do. None of us are saviors and it is foolish to think so.
Mother Theresa started small, gathering one person at a time; she was focused and knew that if she was to survive, her sorrowful heart, which is finite, had to be united to the sorrowful heart of Jesus which was infinite, which flows from infinite love and compassion. I am sure that she allowed her heart to grow and in that process, she also experienced deep compassion and sorrow which flows from that. A heart not fed by grace, could in the end become bitter and angry at the way things are, which could lead to burn out in the end. Once that is lost abuse could also be a problem. In the end she and her sisters and volunteers have helped thousands to die a dignified death, surrounded by those who love them. Much better than dying in the street, covered with maggots and sores, with no one caring if they lived or not, or would even remember or pray for them when they were gone. I am not sure the sorrow of the world can be weighed, yet when taking care of another, it is lessened for that person, and maybe that is enough. And yes, I know of the stories about her, have read Hitchens book, but that only points to her greatness that so many or out to destroy her reputation. She was not perfect but I know those who have worked with her, nurses, doctors and simple volunteers and for the most part their stories are very positive, though like anywhere else things are were not perfect.
Mother Theresa did not drown in the sorrow that surrounded her. This happened because she had an understanding of the heart of Christ, which she allowed to expand her own ability to handle sorrow, pain and human tragedy on a level that would burn most of us out in no time. She drew near to the fountain of life, God with us, who took on human form and suffered with and through us all. At least that is the Christian take on it; do not expect everyone to understand…. in fact expect many to disagree strongly, but that is ok, lots of different ways to try to make sense of the world.
What is Christ sorrow? It is probably something so deep that perhaps it is a question that can’t be answered. However the parable of the Prodigal Son can also be read at the sorrow of the father as he waits for the son to come home. Or any loving parent over the loss of a child, either through death for perhaps some kind of split. We can get glimpses in our own hearts, perhaps music can bring it safely to the surface, these deep feelings of isolation, misunderstandings and perhaps also of abuse and abandonment that can often drive us into self destructive behavior.
So Christ after he left them, he prayed that the chalice would be taken from him, but it was not. Who does not understand that experience? So he said yes to the Father’s will and went to his torture and death……..yet……in his death, and his forgiveness of those who did all that they did to him; he forgave. He broke the cycle of violence, showed that God was never a part of that, it was us, we are the ones who are the source of most of our pain, driven by our own inner chaos, leading to all the human evils and horrors we see in the papers day after day. “God with us” suddenly takes on a different meaning when we come to the understanding that no suffering is unknown, since love, compassion and empathy is helpless to stop taking on that pain. What is death to self? Well try loving your enemies, forgiving those who wrong you, loving the loveless, helping the poor until it hurts, not seeing others as objects, but as other Christ. Once we understand the depth of God’s love for us, then our hearts will expand with grace; slow for some faster for others, we to will be able to embrace the world and all those in it. Judging the heart of others is not our place, loving is.
Originally posted at http://markdohle.multiply.com/journal.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
Conyers, GA
