I think most people get a jump start when little, projecting them out of the Garden of Eden, and suddenly finding themselves naked and vulnerable. An event happens that colors the rest of life, either for good or ill. Perhaps it is the first time we really wake up to the unfairness and cruelty that can happen to anyone at anytime. Two events that I have dwelled on for many years happened to me when I was very young. The first was when I was two and the second, when I was seven. The younger one is when a significant event happens, the deeper its effect. Most people can probably remember what happened, something branded into the psyche that cannot be forgotten. Or if not remembered, which also happens, nevertheless plays an important role in how ones life role is played out, with those one lives, works and plays with.
These holes in the soul, or wounds or fragments…. the name does not matter… need to be addressed and healed. The addressing does not always have to be done with conscious intent, yet how we relate to cycles in our lives can either bring healing or deeper pain and frustration. Cycles are there to teach us….learn this important lesson, or continue to stay in a rut, allowing unconscious processes to run your life. Even if learning is present it can be a long an arduous road to finding healing and balance in ones life. Because of the pain, we can find ways to bypass the process, these are called addictions and they can be many, some much more harmful than others.
For some this is obvious, for others it may not be at all. However, suppose after four marriages with the same kind of person, the same abuse etc., leads the experiencer to asking the question: “What am I doing to cause this?” One wakes up, though it can take a long time to find out, so as to able to escape the cycle and find some peace. Self destructive behavior develops because of the need to escape some inner pain that seems overwhelming. However in the end, instead of one problem, there can be a whole cluster of them, each in turn needed to be faced and let go of.
I am speaking from a certain perspective, so I don’t expect everyone to agree with me…. but for me the healing of past wounds cannot be accomplished without grace being present. Grace implies a loving creator and as a Christian I feel that is the central revelation… that God is love and we are made for love, and we often go wrong trying to find it in the wrong places. In a misguided attempt to fill some kind of inner void. Neediness can lead to narcissism, which simply uses others as ‘things’ to help fulfill some need, which is contrary to love and is therefore a dead end, at least in the long run.
Grace is not bound or owned by any religious tradition, since it is obvious to me that those who follow other faiths or spiritual paths often find healing and become loving and compassionate human beings. Grace is as much a part of life as air is for breathing. What is needed is the openness to follow our paths, therefore allowing grace to do its work in secret. Many things can help with this process, but it is love that draws us, for in the end, once one feels loved, seen, accepted, then many parts of the puzzle can fall into place. Healing can come without really knowing the hows of it…. it is just the knowledge that one is seen and loved, which allows healing to grow in the soul. We are called to love ourselves, in that we share in God’s life. A life long process and perhaps continues beyond death….I have personally never believed that we suddenly cease to grow when we die; the thought is absurd to me.
Revelation does not say something that is new, but about a truth that has always been operative in life. So the Christian mystery says for me something about God’s action in the world from the very beginning. Do I understand, well no; for how is it possible to understand something about God’s ways. The finite mind can grow forever, both in love and in knowledge, but the infinite cannot be reached, that is the joy of both love and knowledge it is an ever deepening journey….in the end it is love that last.
Christ is the image of the invisible God. What is that image? How did he treat others? What did he say about the Father? He says we have to love others as we love ourselves…..what does that mean? Are we called to be shepherds of our own souls? For if we hate ourselves, how can Christ enter in to heal and forgive?
God’s love is impersonal because it is not based on need. So it is free, something that is perhaps unknown in this dimension. I love God and others out of need, though there are hints that as I get older, I see small hints that I am slowly moving in that direction, to love beyond need, which is also a freely given grace. We receive according to our ability to absorb and also to put up with the death process that is implied when a new life is being born into. So yes we die daily as we grow. Or if not we stagnate. Perhaps the more painful of the two roads we all have to choose to walk. Grace works slowly, there seems to be no hurry, but we are all called to a greater life, to deeper freedom, more empathy and compassion, to conversion.
We are called to become fully human, as Christ was truly human. Walking the labyrinth here can at times seem like it will take forever, but in reality it is a short time; at the most forty minutes for me. Life is like that it can seem long and wearying, but in the end it seems to be over quickly. Impermanence is a good lesson to learn when trying to figure out what is important and what needs to be let go of. It can also offset some detours that need not be taken.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
originally posted at: http://markdohle.multiply.com/journal
