. . . We simply don’t know the inner pain that others carry, or the shame, or anger, until a relationship is formed and trust built up enough, so that some kind of openness and sharing with others can be experienced. I guess that is perhaps one of the great gifts of the 12 step groups. People who get together to support and communicate with each other, encouraging one another and also not judging…. though these groups can confront one another in a loving way that can be painful to endure; but many walk this path on a deep level. One that many who do not have a program to work with, can’t dream of or imagine since they may lack a community wherein they can be seen, heard and accepted.
Language is very important, a no brainer I know, but terms and how they are stated can be the bridge that leads to the understanding and struggle of others. It is too easy to imagine oneself unique and special, one in which belonging to a group seems like a waste of time, but in the end, none of us are alone, nor are there many out there if spoken to, who do not understand the ins and outs of inner chaos and pain. We are all healers to one another and the more one is really messed up, I feel the deeper the ability to heal others, if ones inner pain and chaos has been faced and walked through and a deep loving relationship with the infinite has been developed. In writing this last sentence, I am again, speaking from my own experience of my inner fragmentation and how my trust and belief in God has allowed these pieces to stop moving outward into greater alienation to moving back towards wholeness. I have no idea how someone who has no faith does this, but I am sure there are those who do this in fact. I believe what Carl Jung said to be true: “The soul moves towards healing”. This is not an exact quote.
I don’t blame the past for what I have to deal with, for I am sure that there are those who I have hurt in the past that carry that around within their souls, perhaps making it very difficult to trust anyone ever again. We can damage one another and not know it, say thing that cut deep and walking away not seeing the blood drawn. Wounds can be inflicted by the most well intentioned parents or siblings and yes friends. Yet wounds
they are and a full life of joy and trust can only come about by the actual facing our fears in a conscious and loving manner.
One thing I really love about the12 step groups is the use of the word “Higher Power” for ones understanding of ultimate reality. The word God can get very complicated, since it is based often on what is the worst in humanity and then projected outward, creating a divinity that is best left to it-self. To be free of that word, for many, can lead to greater spiritual freedom and depth in the relationship that is formed with their ‘Higher Power”.
You can get a whole room full of people and they can talk about their spiritual lives without getting into childish squabbles about whom in fact is right about God; as if the eternal and infinite can actually be understood. All of our ideas of God are idols, some more benign than others, some actually evil. All idols have to be out grown, or over thrown, and then a new one is placed there. So it goes, as we grow, we are healed by our trust in the love of our Higher Power, and as our understanding of what we call God matures, this can in turn lead to deep inner freedom and a letting go of fear
The quickest route to God is by the path of humility, which is the ability to be open and honest with one-self and with others. Humility is based on trust that the truth will actually set us free and that our fears about being seen are illusions that are in the end a prison. Without self awareness, humility is impossible. It is not a pious exercise in silly pious nonsense, but in the tire meets the road openness. Granted this takes years to develop and I am far from the end of my journey. However, unless we can step back and see our fears and shame and anxious concerns and then make a choice to not believe them, any progress will be halted until that can be done.
Our ‘insides’ unless they are known in some depth, will become the ‘outsides’ of those around us. Perhaps one way to grow in self knowledge is to allow others to teach us by our reactions to them. It is all about relationship, with God (our Higher Power), others and yes, ourselves. A road of death to ways of living that are hell like, to a way of existing that is open to life, joy, healing and yes community.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
