Waiting can be a frustrating process, for it is often mixed with both anticipation and the knowledge of how little control we have in its fulfillment. There is a point in which there is only emptiness, boredom and a feeling of being constrained, when what we desire is withheld from us. We can distract ourselves, yet even amidst these activities the inner void remains, until the waiting is over and we can move on.
Below all waiting, there is a longing unfulfilled, often unstated, causing at times a compulsion to seek some relief from its sting and pull. It is desired and feared simultaneously for this longing can only be consummated by a letting go of all that keeps us from our deepest desire. Pain and frustration are the results of not surrendering, yet the cycles continue throughout life.
Our culture seeks to keep us in this mad race away from what we truly wait for. Putting before us beautiful, enticing objects to be owned, yet in the end, who is really owned? Just filler, to get us through the day, to tire us out in our mad seeking, so sleep can be a blessed escape… if one can actually sleep peacefully at all, for many are laden with anxiety. Inner pain, frustration and yes, our often minimalist understanding of the absurdity of much that is done in our mad rush, to escape from the inner knowing that time is simply running out.
The world is good, what we own is desirable and worth working for…. it is when it is used as a buttress against what we are actually made for that the problem deepens into depression. When the heart takes root in the living water, then peace is found, though there will always be waiting and longing. Forgetting that we are pilgrims comes with a heavy cost, for to live in denial is to simply run madly through a life that has little meaning.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
