There is always a downside to any gift; a dark undertow that if not watched can turn any talent into a tyrant that can at times ruin a life. This underside of our gifts is also something that is needed, for when something is overdone, or compulsive, there is always a price to pay if some level of awareness is not present. Feelings of anger, of being used, at times self pity, are all warning signs that some line has been crossed, that is not healthy and needs to be addressed.
Being a doctor, a lawyer, nurse, teacher or yes, a parent, policeman, priest, or any occupation that takes care of others, can lead to some serious problems and can bring about a great deal of suffering. There are many reasons why any one occupation or career is chosen, not all of them healthy. It is the unhealthy aspects that need to be addressed, so that the gifts that are present can be deepened allowing the giftedness of the path chosen to bear fruit.
Inner images along with strong emotional states can be good indicators of what is actually going on. Control issues, people pleasing, micromanaging, the repressing of anger etc. will always find ways to alert you how off balance one is. I believe that the soul, is always seeking wholeness, not perfection. In fact I believe that there can be no real growth unless the undertow of our giftedness does not pull us under from time to time. It brings us back to ourselves, if we are willing to not becoming a victim and to seeking a deeper insight to whatever crossroads life has brought us.
The other day as I was just sitting and not thinking much about anything, I had some powerful images of self pity rise to the surface. I always find this kind of experience distasteful, since it gets me in touch with aspects of my vocation that strip me down and make me look for ways to better take care of myself, and to not seek escape by even more activity. It is good to be busy, but busyness only pushes problems down, but they will keep popping to the surface until they are dealt with, or perhaps the better way, there is an attempt to deal with it. There are cycles, but hopefully each one takes us deeper in and not just another round of the same thing on the same level over and over again.
Each person I believe has to access a way to deal with their particular, unique inner recipe, in dealing with their life situation. The coming together and falling apart are a natural rhythm of life, when that rhythm is ignored, or ran from, things can start to fall apart and then there is no coming back together.
Our struggles important,
they lead us somewhere,
faith allows us to embrace the pain,
confusion and chaos
that is part of life.
