Do people insert themselves into your life? Has it happened that others have defined what your relationship with them should be — with little or no input from you? Do you feel pressed by certain folks to act out a relationship that isn’t in your heart and thus perhaps not in your destiny?
Problems — some serious — can arise as a result.
This isn’t about shutting people off. No, we don’t do that. It isn’t about rejection. It’s about praying so that the Holy Spirit is the filter between you and others; it’s about relationships that don’t infringe on your freedom, relationships that are well-ordered.
Let’s face it: we all go through trials in life and one of them is with people who in their hubris have determined what the relationship should be. They have defined the proper closeness. They are the “loving” ones because they seek closeness, even though over-closeness may not be in the cards (and in some cases hurts).
We’re not speaking here about boyfriends, girlfriends, nor a spouse. We’re not speaking about children. We’re speaking of friends. We’re speaking of relatives. We’re speaking of co-workers.
We’re called to love. That’s the great commandment. We’re called to love everyone.
We’re not called, however, to be bosom-close to every person.
One of the reasons that monks and nuns live in isolation is because such relationships can bring spiritual regression.
Says Father Yozefu-B. Ssemakula, author of The Healing of Families, “Because our lives are so very much made up by what interactions we have, we cannot pretend our relationships or friendships have nothing much to do with what is going on in our lives — or with who we are. When Saint Paul says, ‘Bad company corrupts’ (1 Corinthians 15:33), it is not only something to do with a physical bad example and copying it, it is all that and more. A negative spiritual influence is taking place, in addition to the external, visible friendship, we can even say, before it. And this is why Paul warns against repeatedly associating with ungodly people. Because the nature of our spirit is to bond with other human spirits that are brought close to it by the link of friendship, it’s an illusion to think that one can keep bad company and maintain one’s ‘cool.’ Our spirits do not ask for our permission to bond; they just bond when friendship is created.
“This negative spiritual influence is as powerful a bondage as any other bondage. We have to keep in mind here that once there is sin, there is an express invitation made to the evil one to come and inhabit that relationship. And, therefore, even if a relationship is originally a tool given to us by God for the good — like many tools — in this way, it becomes ‘rail lines’ along which ‘the train’ of the evil one runs between people to adversely affect their lives.”
If the presence of a person vacuums away your energy and joy — or affects other relationships, especially your marriage — something is wrong; a dark spirit has been introduced; it can not be allowed to linger.
As the mystic Maria Esperanza once said, there are people who do not know their place; they’re pushy; they’re hurt if you don’t respond as they do; you must be like them; you must be their idea of who you should be. Often they play on sympathy. They often seem to have a crisis. When you “owe” someone, or are made to feel guilty, you’re in bondage to the person. When you don’t react the way you should — the way they want, the way they expect, the way they have determined you should, based on their idea of what the relationship or situation is — they take umbrage. There is antagonism. You can do no right. There is the projection that we have let them down. You don’t love like they do! This is a toxic relationship.
It also happens with acquaintanceships. They don’t correctly reckon the relationship. They have not considered what you desire. They have inserted themselves into your life and defined you in a way that’s not natural.
There is suffering in life, and one such suffering is when we are yoked with someone like this. Naturally, we do not want to (and should not) hurt them. Seek the help of the Holy Spirit. Always practice kindness. But let God define the relationship.
Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit, every time you are around them.
Surround yourself with His mantle. Those who interject themselves in such a manner can be a “Trojan horse,” inserting not just themselves but also spirits. The “fruit”: division. It can affect families.
When others define us (or when we define ourselves based on the false pretenses of the world, or what others perceive, or want), layers build around us. You know the feeling: you don’t feel like your real self. Your life doesn’t fit, as it should, like a comfortable old shoe. There are different “yous” based on different situations.
If someone causes you always to feel like someone other than yourself (and bad about yourself: less good than you are), ask God to correct the situation.
Don’t force things.
Don’t try to be someone you are not. Love strongly but with discipline.
Go with what feels right instead of what looks right (to the world).
Let God be your main audience.
In the truth of who you are is freedom.
Said a woman named Crystal McVea who had a near-death glimpse of Heaven: “Unlike on earth, where I was plagued by doubts and fears, in Heaven there was nothing but absolute certainty about who I was. This was a far more complete representation of my spirit and my heart and my being than was ever possible on earth, a far deeper self-awareness than the collection of hopes and fears and dreams and scars that defined me during my life. I was flooded with self-knowledge, and all the junk that cluttered my identity on earth instantly fell away, revealing, for the first time ever, the real me. ‘Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you,’ God says in Jeremiah 1:5. And now I knew myself.
“Imagine that — the first person we meet in Heaven is ourselves.”
