Yesterday he was in a good mood, everything was right with the world and I was great, could do no wrong. This morning he insisted it was evening and did not understand why he had to sleep with his shoes off if he was just taking a nap. So I thought, this is going to be a bad day for him, he will be confused and ornery, which is to be expected. Why not? I have bad days when I am really bad tempered and have to watch what I say, even how I look at people. He can’t do that, so I get the real thing today, well part of the real thing. For his good days, his kindness and humor are also real; perhaps more real than when his days are dark. On his dark days he is usually confused and can’t help it or reflect on what we try to tell him. In the end, I just enter his world and go with his flow, as long as it does not endanger him of course. I would not allow him to get up and walk by himself no matter how angry he got with me.
He won’t eat his breakfast since it is evening he insists. So I asked if he would like supper (well it is 7PM somewhere) and he says no. So I try another track, and see if he wants to go back to bed, since he looks very tired. He then tells me “that he will never sleep again, or take off my shoes”. So I said, Ok, I will talk to you later.
I don’t like to see him confused, but it is part of the journey and all I, or the rest of those who work here can do is to simply accompany him, even if he does not want us to. He forgets he can’t walk by himself, which concerns me, but that mood passes and he gets better. I worry about the time when he may not be able to come back to the ‘real world’, where we can communicate with him. It is just a common human situation that has to be endured hopefully with good humor and love.
I do believe he will make it to his 102nd birthday and perhaps beyond. Yet I don’t know anything, he could die at anytime, hopefully in his sleep, in peace.
