As I was talking to Ann about some of my difficulties with a couple of people I know, going on and one about it as is my wont. She stopped me, looked intently and said: “Why all the arrogance; this need to try to change others”. . Trying to tell others how, or what they should do; perhaps even scolding in my tone. Well that got me thinking a bit. Arrogance; me (?); well yeah, I have told her that a few times, about how I can be that way. Not sure I expected her to agree with me, just trying to be humble, a good ploy, but it does not work with her; I think she sees through me. Funny really, me doing that, trying to deal with others chaos, when I have more than enough on my own plate to deal with. I would suppose if I asked my friends they would be more than happy to give me a list. No doubt a number of things would come up that I am not even aware of.
Then after she let that sink in, she continued: “what is, is”, learn to accept that, people are the way they are, and you can’t change them, perhaps invite, but scolding does nothing”. Of course I a paraphrasing this, interrupting from my own experience, but however she meant it, I did get something to chew over this week. She seems to know when to drop “da bomb” on me.
I have known for a while that I can really tie myself up in knots trying to figure others out, why they do what they do, and my favorite, usually spoken to my inner self; “What the hell, how did they come to the conclusion”! Of course I tend not to notice that I get that very same look from my friends at times, but ignore it mostly. This week I was thinking of someone that I can’t figure out, then came to the brilliant conclusion that perhaps, just perhaps, he found me just as difficult to understand. Gee I can be thick, very thick.
Sometimes talking, listening, does not help, one just has to accept “what is”.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
