I met Kay (not her real name) for the first time last night in the retreat house. She was very attractive, 62 years old, intelligent, and she lived a very busy life. One of the first things she said to me, which was something I could sympathize with was: “before I die I want to get my act together”. Yes I could feel a great deal of empathy for her and I resonated deeply with that statement, for indeed I would love to get my act together also.
I am almost 60, and I can say with total honesty, perhaps even with humility; for truth and humility are in reality one. What is this truth? Well it is very true, one truth that I have no doubt about, and it is this. . . .my act has not even begun to come together; in fact as I get older; it is a goal that seems as far away as ever. As I was mediating on this after I saw Kay, the thought came to me, what would happen if I arrived at that point in time, when indeed everything would fall into place. I could not imagine it, for what is it that would line up in a perfect row? I think it would be something false, built on denial of the inner richness, chaos and potential, that is within each of us. For to arrive at some point of perfect inner equilibrium, would have to be maintained by massive doses of denial and repression, allowing others to tell us just what that is, for more often than not, we are told by others what that ‘getting it all together is’.
Growth seems to be about being open to what life has to offer, facing fears, not being afraid of failing, in the end not worrying about what others think. Now in order to do this, all the above, may have to be admitted to being operative in ones life. After that a conscious choice to slowly work with them, or against them in order to move forward needs to be acknowledged. We seek balance; something that may be achieved for a short time, but then the see saw goes down one said or the other.
It can be a depressing thought, but perhaps getting our act together is not what it is ultimately about. Perhaps we are called to forgive and love ourselves just as the Our Father seems to point to. To forgive others as we forgive ourselves. It sounds like a clichés, but in the end perhaps it is all about love. Perhaps this constant need to get it all together is based on self hatred. Who knows this could be a break with reality. One so common, that it is perceived as normal.
The golden rule, simply stated and preached, is perhaps one of the hardest things to actually live out. For how does one know how to treat others, if indeed thought is not given to how one wants others to treat them? In any given situation our tendency to narcissism takes over, so it is difficult to dwell on this question in any great depth when it is needed. We can assume we will be treated the way desire, yet often not understanding that others have the same longing. We can react strongly when treated unfairly, yet can turn around and do the same things to someone else, and then wonder why they are so sensitive. The list is endless, so it becomes easy to see why the golden rule, perhaps one of the most rational ways to be in the world, is in reality one of the hardest to live out. I have not come close to doing this.
Nope, getting our act together is not something based on reality. We are not made to arrive at a certain state of being and then stay there. We are called to grow in compassion, empathy and love. This comes about by understanding that we ourselves don’t have our act together, and it is ok, we just need to grow in love. So simple to say, so often difficult to do in real life situations, so many emotions and feelings to deal with, which keeps us from being truly present to what is before us.
Once it is understood that we are indeed loved by God; not something earned, but a reality that simply is. Then that love becomes the only stable point of our existence. All else can go to hell, yet God is faithful, the still point of infinite love and creativity, that we live and move and have our being in.
What is feared cannot be trusted, so trust and do not fear. This also takes courage, to break out of our little boxes where our limited concepts of God also dwell with us. Jesus used the idea of God as Father for a reason. To give us a small taste of what God’s love is all about,, an ever deepening experience as we slowly gain the courage to face our idols and fears.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
