“Look at all these sinners.” My friend sent me that text earlier today as I stood in line for confession, attached was a picture he took of me standing in the line across from him waiting to enter the confessional. I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw the text. It’s true, I am a terrible sinner—we all are.
Plot twist: being a good Christian is really, really hard—especially when it comes to chastity.
Have you ever written a letter to your future spouse? Maybe you were instructed to on a retreat or in a class, randomly got the urge to write as you wait to find out who he or she is, or you’ve heard of people doing so but think it’s weird. Well, for all of those reasons and more, last week I came across a smattering of old letters to my future someone.
The first was from a girls retreat, where I was told to write to my future husband about how I’m “saving” myself for him. I actually wrote that I don’t get what the big deal is, it’s not like it’s going to be hard to stay a virgin—but I guess I’m doing it for you and stuff so I hope you are too, or this is really awkward.
I couldn’t help but laugh at how naive I was. Staying pure as we are called to before marriage is anything but easy. In fact, meeting a virgin who intends to stay a virgin until marriage seems so very rare in our day and age.
I came across another letter, from a few years later in high school where I wrote something along the lines of: Okay, this is harder than I thought. I’m trying, but it’s not going so well. I hope you’re praying for me too.
And another: Dear future husband, I’m sorry I’m not as pure as I should be. I’m not the woman you deserve. I wish I could go back.
But there’s no going back. Once you begin pushing back the boundaries of purity, there’s always a reason to justify going just a little bit further until it’s too late. And don’t fool yourself like I’ve tried to: Being virgin-ish is not chastity at all.
I still want what I wanted as an awkward innocent middle school girl: I want to save myself for marriage. However, now I know that this is no easy task. Society thinks I’m crazy; Guys may think I’m a tease or a prude; Other girls may think I’ll never keep a guy that way; and I’m sure I’ll continue to be tempted by lust, desire, and misguided attraction.
I am weak. I give into temptations. I constantly fail to do good and choose to do bad.
But here’s the thing: We have a God who loves us anyway despite our sins and failings. No matter what mistakes may be in our past, He is here now, waiting to forgive us and help us to move forward to a better life in Him.
Each day we are offered the choice to try harder, fight temptations, and be better people in Christ. I continue the challenge of a chaste life, not just for me, but for my future spouse.
So to my dear future husband, this sinner is waiting and praying for you. I hope you are too.
Megan Finegan, the Chasity Project
