Breaking family cycles
I was talking to one of our retreatants last evening. A very nice lady in her 40’s, who has been here a couple of times, has like most of us had some rough times in her life. She talked about her early years when she was an addict and how it affected her children. Now she is sober, and learning to take responsibility for her past. Her daughter not too long ago let her know how much she failed her when she was young. As Ann (not her real name) continued, she said that she agreed with her daughter. She had the humility to accept what was said to her. In doing that she let her daughter know that she was listening to her and in doing so probably helped to heal a family cycle. Often our problems are passed on from one generation to the next, breaking them can be difficult.
Being able to take stock of ones life and then to go in another direction can be one of the best ways to break destructive tendencies. Communication without humility is often very difficult. In order to be able to hear someone else, defenses have to be put aside. Humility, the ability to listen to others and to accept what is presented, is a big step towards deepening connections with others.
Br. Elias our novice master here once told me that “the best way to evoke rage in someone is to discount what they are saying or experiencing”. I have found that to be true. To discount is to deny the right of another to exist in their own right, to downplay their experiences to leave them in a place of frustration and anger.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
