Some times when talking to friends and just people that I have met when conversing with them here in the retreat house, I have found that many will have some sort of event happen to them that will draw their attention in a powerful way. It is usually something simple that has some deep significance for them and it happens over and over again in their lives in times of stress. It could be something very simple like finding a penny on the ground. One lady told me that when finding a penny it makes her think that she should trust God more, for on the penny it says that: “In God we trust”. Of course that statement means nothing in reality, unless it is taken in and thought about. So when this common event happens it brings her to herself. Another lady friend of mine told me that it brings her to contemplate the gift of that moment when she finds the penny. For them they are signs and I understand that.
My two favorite numbers are 33 and 44. So when I see them anywhere it brings me to an intense attention to the presence of God in my life. One day I had to drive one of the monks to the doctor. I was having a very bad day, feeling very anxious and agitated and just trying to drive without become an offense driver. As I drove, I noticed that at every light on the way into the doctor the number 33 or 44 showed up on every license plate that I saw. This brought me to myself and I began to express thankfulness for my life, for my being with this brother monk and the fact that I could drive at all.
Some people do this with butterflies, or with certain types of birds. I believe it is a way for us to find some ‘thing’ that will become a doorway for us, or window, into a larger overview of our lives, which is in fact, brings us to a deeper truth about our existence. We make some moments into ‘icons’ that allow us to look deeper into our lives and to understand reality n a way that brings integration into our often ‘felt’ inner fragmentation. After a while we began to broaden our ability to see the ‘everyday’ as an icon into something deeper.
Pennies, butterflies and birds then open us up to the reality that all that we see and experience can lead us deeper into the reality of our lives. Some will say this is silly, that the reason I saw so many 33’s and 44’s is because I was stressed and was looking for them. Well so what? So stress is another doorway for me to see the underlying connectedness of reality. When this deepens the term “God with us”, takes on a more profound meaning.
No world view can really be proven when it deals with the ‘meaning’ of our lives. Each has to find that for themselves and that takes a certain level of thoughtfulness which I believe that most people have. I believe as we age, all people begin to think about what our lives are about, especially when the reality of the shortness of our lives sinks in. In that sense, our growing weakness as we age and the infirmities that go with that process are also messages for us to think about. We are obviously not meant to stay here forever. It brings us back to the understanding of what it means to be a pilgrim, to be constantly on the move toward something holy.
All we have is today, it is always today, and the day we die will be simply today. So each experience, be it joyful or painful, or even boring, has deep meaning for us and for our journey. Either our journey is an eternal one, or it is not. If I believe that it is eternal, that I have a soul, then for my life to have some sort of concurrence then I need to live according to my beliefs. We often bring deep inner conflict in our lives because we can often live in opposition to what we really do think is true.
I think that is what Jesus meant when he said: “what does it gain a man to gain the whole world but lose his very self?” Indeed if we are not in touch with our souls we are empty jars filled with sand seeking to quench our theist with only more sand. The living water is what fills our souls.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
