The concept of being a pilgrim is important to me. It means we are always moving forward towards a destination and the more we understand this, that destination can become something holy. Many deny this, believing that we are on journey that only ends in a brick wall with nothing beyond it. Yet they are also pilgrims never finding a place of true rest. Time with all of its gifts as well as it limitations makes sure of that….believers and nonbelievers all share the same road and the same end as far as this life is concerned. Because of this we should strive towards empathy and compassion for all…that includes those in prison.
God does laugh, I believe that. I have always hated writing letters and I guess I have said this more than once in my musings. Letter writing is not like ‘just writing’. I guess I am merely a stream of consciousness writer, which means I often have no real idea what will come out. I get a small idea and then I just write. Which drives some people crazy because my posts are too long……yet some people actually read them. Kind of amazes me. In writing a letter that is not possible since it is person specific… so I guess that is why I dislike it so much. Yet here I am writing a few prisoners. I did not plan it, yet here I am.
I am happy that I am doing it now, for in getting to know some of the men I write to I am beginning to see a deep humanity in them, as well as a true desire to change and grow. I know that being in prison with its black and white aspect often makes it easier to pick out what is good and also what is downright evil. So seeking God is more focused there, which can be lost when they leave. Some of those I write to worry about this and I try to encourage them to simply grow and make choices, the right ones every day. Discipline is always needed if one wants to live a decent life and to become a good man to know and to be around.
One of the prisoners that I am closest to is named ‘Sean’. He is the one who lied to me about his true identity. I am not sure he is being totally truthful about it now. What he did was awful and shameful and I can see why he would not want me to know what he did. So I do not bring it up, but did tell him that trust has to be earned and that it will take time. However I asked him to trust me enough to continue to write.
I have trust in God and in God’s love for Sean, so that is enough for me. I don’t have to demand anything from him, since I have good boundaries. He is being more truthful about his life and he is really trying to overcome a very tumultuous background. He is not so different from me.
I struggle as I guess we all do and I am far from being perfect and in my life have done some things that I am not proud of either. Yet in God’s mercy and love and my trust of that reality I am able to continue and to not look at myself, but at the Lord who only wants to draw me deeper into what it means to have a loving relationship with Infinite Love. I still don’t understand it, yet that is what keeps me going. Idols are off putting since they are projections of our own ideas about justice for those around us. True justice… which is impossible in this world, is simply what is true, seen and known both by God and the soul. Nothing needs to be said or defended, when truth is known, defense is redundant and impossible actually.
Later I will share some of my thoughts I shared with Sean. As always, I am encouraging those who read this to write a prisoner, especially if there is a family member in prison. From those I write it is a great source of suffering for them to be forgotten by their families. We are made to give and share, for it that we truly connect with our deepest self which is our connection/union with God. In loving others we make that connection more conscious.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
