It was Saturday night when my beeper went off and it had the 911 code on it. So I called into the floor to see what was going on. Janice (not her real name) was very apologetic about waking me, but she said: “Mark, I have a family emergency and need to go home”. So I got to the floor as soon as possible. When I arrived she informed me that she had called her daughter at home and no one answered. Now Janice is a single mom, who has a good relationship over all with her daughter, but she is 16 and a cause of worry for Janice. She again tried to say how sorry she was, but I stopped her saying: “go home; you have to make sure your daughter is all right”. So off she went.
Janice works hard with her daughter. They talk, she sometimes, at least from what she tells me loses it, but it always works out ok. She is afraid that her daughter will do something really unintelligent (she used the word stupid), and get pregnant or worse, STD’s were mentioned. So far the daughter is doing ok, but since there is no father present she has to play both roles. So of course she had to go. The old saying: “don’t get in the way of a mother or her cubs”, is true. No way would I not let her go.
Even though I often get up very early and go for walks that does not make me a night person. So the 11-7AM shift is not my favorite; though there are aspects that I do like about it. It is quiet, and the work load is not too much. Rounds have to be done, but there is not the constant activity that happens during the day. We get lots of visitors, meals can be a little chaotic, doctors calling and the interaction between those working can get overwhelming on some days. I like to make the rounds, to make sure all is well and to see everyone sleeping peacefully, which that night they were. William has medications that help him to always have a restful night, and for that I am very thankful. For at times his days can be far from that. That Saturday, he was very agitated, talking constantly, chanting in his haunting way, getting very loud. When that happens we put him by himself in a room and close the door. Not as a punishment, it just seems to calm him down, for too much stimulation can often cause him to go over the edge. Of course after 2:30, “sundowners’ syndrome” kicks in for him. So to see him at rest is a very big consolation for me.
Philip was also doing well. He does not always sleep well at night but is seldom restless. He just lies there talking to whoever is visiting him, invisible to the rest of us. He smiles at me, thinking I am someone from the past and lets me clean him. When I finish he smiles again and again turns to the ‘others’ in the room. His sleep cycles do not vary that much, though they are constantly turning, very slowly. There are times when he sleeps all day and all night, and then it creeps into sleeping most of the night, slowly changing to most of the day. It is not that simple but there is a cycle there, just hard to follow.
Leo that night was sleeping well. He always hates it when he has to be cleaned, mostly because he does not know what is going on. Of all the dementia patients we have, I think his is the most severe, but in some way also more complex. He is fading, has been doing so for years, yet there are times when he is clear, and can still laugh at a joke. Perhaps humor is something that has yet to be affected by his disease. There are certain things he can’t do. He will not use utensils for the most part, though he can still drink from his cup. Sometimes he can watch TV and seem to like it, at others not. So he goes in and out, but his condition of course steadily worsens. I remember one day he told me in a moment when he was clear: “I am still here”, this is something that I always try to be aware of.
The hours go by fast for me when I am on the floor; they seem more like minutes most of the time, which is a blessing. Soon 7 AM came around, the next shift come on, which on Sunday is bare, since it is very quiet on Sunday. Rose came in; she was working the Sunday morning shift, something she does from time to time. I helped her for a bit and then left.
I am not a good sleeper, or perhaps the better word is that I am a very light sleeper, so I don’t sleep well during the day. So I tried to sleep, but only got in about 5 hours, which in reality is kind of normal for me anyway. It takes a few days to get over the graveyard shift, even if there are aspect that I like about it, I doubt I could ever do it on a permanent basis.
In any case, I hope all turned out well for Janice, for she is a very good person, a wonderful mom, who has a lot on her hands right now. She works for an agency, so only comes in on weekends a couple of times a month, her real job is at Emory, a place that she loves to work.
Being a parent is a rough road, especially with teenagers. In a few years both of her children will be grown, and she will have more freedom, though I think she has mixed feelings about her chicks leaving the nest. For after all she is a good mother and truly loves her little ones, knowing that her love will lead her to letting them go. Yes parental love is the only love that leads to greater and greater separation, a painful process I am sure.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
