Having a retreat this weekend on Resentment, Anger and Forgiveness. It is not an easy one to give, since our relationships can be so painful, or even impossible. How to deal with it. Below is are some scribbling s on the subject.
{We are a species who are involved in an inner struggle, at least for those who wish to live a humane life. Those who look inward don’t always see just what is bright and beautiful, but also things that are bestial and yes evil. For evil takes, devours and then discards what it uses. For those who are unaware of what lies within, are in fact on more dangerous ground than they can imagine. People ‘blow’, ‘loose it’, do horrible things when the inner beast shows itself; often leaving ruined lives as its fruit. Evil hidden away only grows in power in the area of the human unconscious, which is for vaster than our everyday consciousness. It is as if this life is for that purpose, this self confrontation, seeking a freedom deeper than merely the instinctive one. Now instinct is not evil, but we are not bound by our instincts, though our freedom is lessened by them. It takes deep commitment, to seek to grow into a balanced and loving human being. The true miracle is that there is so much good in the world. For evil is not the only problem…for in fact why indeed, is there also so much good?–Br.MD}
This is a strong statement to start off on this retreat, but I think the inner struggle that is common to us all is often underestimated as is the death to self that Jesus is calling us go. This death to self is a call to deeper freedom and compassion a well as empathy for others.
When we struggle with powerful emotions like anger and rage and their child, resentment, the key to release can only be found in ourselves. How is it that Jesus was so compassionate and forgiving of those who betrayed and abandoned him? I would venture to say it was because his ‘Heart’ was totally human, a revelation of the nature of God shown us in human form. We too are called to allow the life of Christ Jesus to grow in our hearts so that we slowly learn to have compassion and empathy for others. This is a long drawn out process which could take a lifetime. The more we understand that it is God’s grace and his love in our hearts that allows us to move beyond the trap of anger and resentment allowing us to move towards true forgiveness, the quicker we can let go of these inner states of deep suffering.
Resentment is a dead end street, for we have no control over others, in fact resentment only gives them power that they probably don’t even know that they have over us. So the struggle to forgive and to let go of anger and resentment is an interior one, and the person that we resent or even hate, is often frozen in place from the past, making it hard to see them as they are now in the present.
There are no easy answers and I still struggle with this. It keeps me aware of my need for grace as well as the hidden pockets that I still close of from Christ healing and love. It is for sure for many of us a life long journey towards inner freedom as ell as a healing in our relationships with others.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
