After our first morning office (prayer service), I got a cup of coffee and went outside our retreat house. Nice cold morning, I guess about 40 degrees, which for me is a very nice temperature. It was raining, very softly. I was standing there, sipping my java and enjoying the soothing sound of the rain and so thankful for simple weather. I doubt that I can think of anything that I enjoy as much as rain that is gently falling from the sky. Well, maybe the sound of waves pounding the beach, I think I may love that better.
One of the monks here, Br. Mark Crow, whom I took care of about 24 years ago, told me that he just loved watching weather; it was a hobby of his from his youth. So on cloudy days, when the clouds were dark, I would take him to our inner garden and we would watch from a covered walkway, the weather. It is a nice hobby to have, for weather is not hard to find; it is just there, in the moment to enjoy.
One day we were ‘watching the weather’, and then what was peaceful suddenly became very stormy. The rain whipped up and danced before our eyes and we got wet since it was blown over us. We both laughed and got inside. Then he asked me to go to the other side of the walkway, so we could continue to watch the storm from a drier and safer place. So I took him through our refectory to the West side of our inner garden.
Once when I was a young monk, I guess it would have been around 1973, I was with two other novices down by one of our ponds, which was about ½ mile from the Monastery. As we were talking, we heard the wind build up. Then as we were watching, dark clouds came in very quickly, the winds got even stronger; then it got real dark, lightning started flashing, we were soaked by a sudden downpour and all the while we were so amazed we did not move. After about thirty seconds it moved on. We sat in silence for a short while then one of the novices said in a dry tone, “what was that all about”. We just laughed and continued our conversation. I don’t think I have ever experienced that kind of storm since. One that came in low, fast, with lots of fury, and then gone.
Snow, however, for some reason depresses me. When young, before we went down to Panama in 1958, I never found the snow much fun. At that young age for some reason, my hands would become very painful when it snowed. Also I never liked bright sunlight very much, it only burned me; so I guess with the sun, the snow and my cold hands, I do not have many good memories about snow.
So, Georgia is a good place for me to live. We do have some really hot days in July and August, but the other nine or ten months are mild in comparison with much of the weather that is experienced by other States.
Weather always reminds me of my interior life. All the weather in the world that comes in and out of existence around me does mirror what goes on inside me as well. Nice peaceful moments, sudden storms and cold snowy days, I experience them all. They all pass, but I don’t seem to; I just observe and sometimes I get absorbed by my inner weather and lose the sense that I am actually an observer it all. When that occurs, I forget that ‘this too will pass’.
Time passes so fast in fact, that it is hard to keep up with it all …both a consolation, and something that can cause anxiety. At least for me, this is my understanding of our temporary status in this world. We have nothing to hold on to in this world- not even ourselves. Sometimes hard to grasp that, becoming history, an old grave site that someone will visit and perhaps wonder…. Hmmm wonder what this clown was like.
The awareness that all will pass, or if we live long enough we will lose everything, what is the actual effect it has on us? Do we live in terror on a deep unconscious level, even if we tell ourselves we don’t? Why do we rush around, here and there, like gerbils on a running wheel trapped in a cage, working ourselves to exhaustion? Or worry about things that in reality are just a bubble floating for a time, only to pop and disappear?
Anyone who seeks to live an authentic life is in my estimation worthy of respect. Those who don’t, are worthy of pity perhaps….however I doubt that I am astute enough to really know who is who, appearances can be tricky. As a Christian many of the things I find central to my life may seem an escape or a waste of time to others. So it is easy for me to make the jump for those who see life from a different angle from me and not worry about judging or weighing their worth….not my place.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
