When young I was taught about sin,
a mark on the soul,
a stain,
perhaps leading to death
separation
from God for all eternity.
Confession,
a way to placate
a deity angry,
always watching;
my image of God at that young age
was of a being
with millions of eyes
attached to long tentacles
watching everything
no place
to
hide.
A fearful time for me I guess
dealing with a monster of sorts observing me
at all times.
At night I was afraid to sleep
lest I should die.
When a teenager
things got worse for me,
though for some reason I remained devout;
there was more than fear,
love
was also present in my seeking God
yet
there was some oppression.
As a young adult
I started to rethink things,
since the concept of sin I was taught
did not seem
to have much to do with my life,
my journey,
it seemed to hinder,
for in the end
when all things are considered,
fear
does not work
never has nor will it ever,
for fear
causes self absorption,
scruples,
for some a terrible affliction,
no peace possible to find with God;
as a child
I suffered from that for a short time
but out grew it
perhaps a grace.
In a world fallen,
broken,
twisted by our many wounds,
it is only natural and to be accepted
that teaching about God
will also
be
of images shattered,
incomplete,
based more on human insecurities
than on what is actually revealed in Scriptures
To accept oneself as a sinner
that leads to positive understanding of oneself,
ones relationship with others
and yes the world,
can lead one to being rooted in reality
where
we are responsible
yet
incapable of breaking the hold sin as on us,
it leads to a calling out,
not in fear
but in a longing to be free.
Even our falls will only deepen that longing,
that desire for true life,
a deeper
trust
in the God revealed in scriptures,
who
walks with us in our journeys,
forgiving,
healing,
and yes pursuing,
grace always there for those who seek it
ask for it
accept it .
Those who don’t,
well
it is not for us to judge
but
we are all called
to show love and compassion
for we are all
brothers and sisters on the way,
falling,
getting up,
and perhaps falling over and over again
but we have a God of infinite mercy and understanding
and
we are all called
to
become merciful through grace
towards all.
Do not judge
is a commandment,
just as to love ourselves as we do others
is one also,
so look up and see the light
forget self
stop measuring
just believe and abandon yourself to infinite love
pray for all.
As a Christian
Jesus is for me the revelation of the Father
for the world,
yet
is Christ not God,
and has not God been at work in the world
from the beginning
until now
and will be until the end,
the day and hour that no one knows
only
the Father knows.
Fear not
it is useless
judge not
a waste of time.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
