The other night I saw on the web that a study was conducted on whether human beings were ‘dangerous’. It turned out after possibly years of study that we are actually dangerous and not only that but murderous as well. As I was reading this I felt some incredulity. What a waste of time and money. I would think that most people who have any inkling of self knowledge would already know that. Or if not, just pick up the newspaper. It reminded me of another study which I am sure was expensive, that learned that the adolescent years are really the most difficult years for the majority of people. Geez, again, they should have just asked around, taken a poll or something, or given me the money and I would have given them the answer. However I guess these people who do these studies need something to occupy their time. I was thinking of doing an expensive study or whether or not people actually get thirsty, I could ask for a government grant and then wait for a year and come out with the results after many months of (pretended) exhaustive study. That yes, in fact people really do get thirsty and that is why they drink water. I know it sounds silly, but many so called studies are just as useless I believe. Here is one very funny result that I found after another ‘exhaustive’ study. People gain weight because they eat too many calories during the day! Wow! Who would have thought that?
I guess the same can be said about our inner world. Books are written about our internal chaos and tendency towards self destruction and sometimes some pretty deep sounding answers are given on how to deal with them. Yet, we still struggle on with the same problems day after day for a lifetime, passed on from one generation to another. It is like watching a dog chase his tail, we laugh at the scene, but I believe we have our own ‘chasing our tail’ thing going.
There are ‘studies’ on anger, on depression, or addictions that can be helpful but in the end they don’t really change much. I have always wanted to figure out why I am the way I am, why I struggle with the same issues everyday and more often than not, make very slow progress. I think the problem is that I keep watching my feet while trying to get the hang of the dance of life. I know that there is change going on inside of me; much of it seems to come on its own, though I have to make some choice to desire change. Yet over the years the pieces slowly fall in place, in spite of my self and my inner fragmentation lessens.
I don’t know much and as I age that ‘knowing’ that I don’t really ‘know’ keeps growing. Now I just want to get through the day, grow in my love of God and others, and just try to deal with anything that keeps me from doing that. I have found that ‘openness’ is needed as well as the understanding that in this life I will not be put back all together again, if there was ever a time that was actually true, be being together, it lasted about three minutes after birth, then it all started……..the ride continues. One day at a time Sweet Jesus.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
