How God is teaching me through these men
Writing prisoners as I have said before was something I just fell into. I really am not a letter writer, in fact the letters I have written to friends and family are very few, probably less than 20. So being 68 you can see how few they are. Now I am writing a number of prisoners and finding that it I am learning a great deal from these good men, who are seeking Christ in the midst of being in prison. Many of them are one time offenders as opposed to career criminals.
I am writing a prisoner now who killed someone in a robbery, I will call him Joseph. It happened when he was very young and at this time he has been in prison for over 20 years and has no chance of being paroled. He understands that he deserves to be there and in his walk with the Lord is seeking to help others who are in prison with him. He was on death row for a time but his sentence got commuted. He has his ups and downs, but his growth in his trust in God points to the infinite compassion of our Lord.
Being in prison has helped him to understand the suffering of Christ on the cross. In dealing with his own understanding on what he did, has allowed him to understand the suffering and death that Jesus went through for him in a profound way, that many may not be able to comprehend. Below is part of my discussion on this subject.
“About the Cross of Christ; you are drawing deeper into its mystery, about how God became flesh and suffered for us and with us. To ponder that kind of love can only bring deeper healing for you my friend. The mysteries of our faith become clearer, and then draw us to seek deeper understanding; it is a lifelong process for all of us. Being in prison, this reality can be more real for you just because of where you are. You are very dear to the Lord and have deep humility, never fear the truth about yourself or your need for grace; it is by that deeper healing and peace come”.
He also talked about not being able to have mass and the Eucharist as often as he would like. I shared this with him about the deepening of longing that he is getting because of this deeply felt absence:
“I see that you don’t get to mass or the Eucharist much. One thing about that is that it can become routine when there is no waiting or longing for it, so when you do go and receive the Eucharist, your union with Christ must deepen because you are more conscious of what is happening. You do know about ‘Spiritual Communion”? St. Thomas said that in some ways it can be better, because when a person longs for the Eucharist and makes a Spiritual Communion this can draw the one making it closer to Christ than if it was received as only as a distracted manner or as a mere routine. In all cases, Christ Jesus will bless you and his grace is sufficient for you in all circumstances”.
While he knows that he is being punished fairly for what he did, still the thought of being in prison for perhaps the next 40 years can get him down. He did talk about how he is trying to help others, to minister to them as well as allowing others to minister to him as well. As he was talking the scripture came to mind from Romans: 8:28:
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose”.
This is a powerful quote from St. Paul, and is not ‘positive thinking’, it tells of the reality of how God’s love and grace works though all of life’s circumstances if we but give ourselves over to his care and love. This is not easy, letting go the desire to control our lives, even if such a desire is an illusion.
“Joseph, you can find peace wherever you are. People outside of prison, as you know can have their own prison cells that they live in but can’t get out. You are in prison, but inwardly you are growing in freedom. The Lord might want you there to help others, to heal souls and in your prayers for them, rest assured, you are heard and God’s healing love is never passive but continually seeks all who are there as well as those who work there. Each human being is precious in the Lord’s sight, no exceptions. When you pray for others, you may be angry at them but hatred and prayer can’t go together. To pray is to love, even if one has to grit ones teeth…..I know I do when I am struggling with someone and am angry at them.
“When St. Paul stated that all things work out for the good for those who love Christ, he meant what you are experiencing now, the ability to take life circumstances and instead of becoming bitter, you seek to find ways to grow in the Love of God and others, in that you grow in Union with the Heart of Christ Jesus”.
So yes, these men in the way they express themselves and in their struggles, deepen my own perspective about the Christian life and the mercy and healing that comes through Jesus Christ.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
