I often write about tolerance towards others, it is something central to who I am and what I believe, at least on the surface of things. However, perhaps the main reason I write and ponder this subject is because it is something lacking deep within my own soul that arises when provoked, tired, and not centered. Though I can honestly say being centered seldom happens for me. All my tolerance can fall by the way side pretty quickly. When that happens, all of my so called objectivity flies out the window very quickly, at the speed of light. In other words there was never a window there in the first place, just some silly notion that I can hold when things run smoothly and I am feeling ok. Let that fall away and in the right circumstance I can get in touch with my inner bigot.
The older I get, and the knowledge of my own inner fragmentation and tendency towards narcissism deepens, my faith in the reality of sin also becomes easier to understand. As a species we are neither rational nor tolerant. We tend to gravitate towards tribes, be they ancestral, or just groups that we feel comfortable living or being with. Intellectual, emotional compounds, where group-think can turn in on itself and have only pity or contempt for those who are different, either in belief, race or political persuasion. For many it is out in the open, for others hidden, beneath soothing words of acceptance, intolerance lurking waiting for the time when it can arise. Many are aware of the struggle, how tolerance is something that has to be worked at, and that failure will at times need to be repented of.
We, or perhaps many of us (who knows there may be exceptions, those we call saints) are flawed, fallen, childish, and self absorbed, unloving, in a word we are sinners. Yet I do not think that is all there is. The opposite is also true, we are beautiful, strong, and have the ability to reach out to others in love and compassion. Though it seems easier to slip into the former than to live out the latter, this is the problem that we as a species have to deal with.
We like to think of ourselves as rational. Yet our history would seem to rule that out. We try hard at being rational. We have logic, but even those who understand the laws of logical thought, tend to use it as a weapon to overwhelm or prove wrong any one who happens to disagree with them. Which can be legitimate, but when both sides use it, then the limits of logic can easily be seen. So we get trapped in doing the same self destructive nonsense over and over again. I would say ‘trapped’ is the operative word here.
There was a man who went into an Amish school and murdered some of the children. A great tragedy and my heart was broken, just as the heart of the nation was, over this great misfortune visited upon them. So what did the Amish do? They did not demand revenge, no, they forgave the one who did this to them. They extended mercy towards this murderer of their children, and suddenly a small cycle of violence was stopped through mercy. Could I do such a thing? I don’t know, though I think it would take time. What they did in short order, at great cost, would perhaps take me years. Their hearts open to grace, the healing that comes from a deep truly loving relationship with God, truly a prophetic message for the rest of us.
So yes, as a species, we are caught in the instinctive struggle on how to respond to evil. Revenge and justice are first cousins, who often intermarry, and the fruit of such a union is an ever deepening quagmire of violence, suffering and death that can go back for generations. Our sense of justice does not help; it only makes the problem worse. Yes we are chained to this amusement part ride, always looking to get the ring, and we always do…….. so it seems that we can never get off. Well we will one day, when the fruit drops from the tree and there will be no one around to continue the ride.
Forgiveness, mercy is the only way out, yet the paradox is that it will not work, for violence is an addiction, a way to forestall pain and suffering with a quick fix which is the grandfather of all illusions. In the end it is sin, the seed of self destruction that seems to drive us. Perhaps we are all mad, it is just is seems normal, there are so many of us.
I would like to give some easy answer but I can’t, in fact I don’t have one. I know that my faith in Christ does give me hope, but in the short term, I think the chaos will only grow, the hatred between the different groups; be it based on ideology, faith or race, will only keep deepening, the roots going into the very bowels of the earth, and then it will shatter.
Yes sin is making more sense to me as I grow older. I am also part of the problem, for all my life I have been trying to tame this inner beast, yet for the most part fail. I have just never been tested in ways many of my brothers and sister throughout the world are on a daily basis. I cannot condemn those who fall prey to violence, murder and hatred, for I know my own heart, which without grace would quickly fall into these behaviors. Many good people who are much better than me fall into it on a daily basis. We are trapped by our own natures.
I am not in despair, for my faith in God’s grace and mercy is real. Even if things get dark I need to struggle against drowning in it; it is God’s mercy that allows me to swim the current. Perhaps getting beat up in being dashed against the stones along the way, yet I do not sink. My faith always points to hope, those without it, well I don’t know if hope is possible. Yet I can’t speak for anyone else can I?
I suppose the spoke person for each group is looked upon by those who belong to the particular tribe, religion or ideology, as speaking the truth, which the generalizing is seen as true, which leads to the same kind of response from those who are attacked. It seems to be an impossible impasse for us, which I can see no way out. When people like Dawkins can say some of the things he says and is applauded by for it, yet if the same kind of rant is used under a differ guise, it is condemned by those who themselves agree with their own brand of prejudice.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
