Sometimes people, strangers seen, even it not met, perhaps particularly if not met, can take on a symbolic importance that can become haunting. Yesterday I took Alphonse to the VA for his annual appointment at the Bronze clinic, which is on the Tenth floor of the hospital. After the appointment we had to go to the lab for some blood test, which is on the second floor. The lab is usually a very busy place. As you enter, you take a number and then go up to the desk and give the receptionist your VA card which is swiped; your orders received from the computer, and then you sit down and wait. It was a little longer than usual yesterday because we arrived during lunch hour and I guess only one was still on duty, but I am used to waiting, so it was not a bother for either Alphonse or me.
It is an interesting assortment of people you meet and see while there. Everyone comes through, with every kind of problem, and yes all ages. Because of the Gulf War, and now the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, many of those present were very young. I saw a young girl there, perhaps no more than 25 with only one leg, yes it can be sad to see, but I expect that the VA will be busy a hundred years from now, since I can see no let up in our propensity for war.
I went out into the hallway to wait, since it got crowded and I did not want to take up room needed by those there for lab work. I had a book I was reading, so I took it out and tried to pass the time, but it can be difficult, since there is such an interesting assortment of humanity present there. I would imagine if I were a photographer, the VA would be one of my favorite places to visit, for the cross section of humanity one meets is really quite extraordinary.
There are so many interesting faces, with so many stories behind them, many of them of course tragic, for such is human life, so many things can go wrong, especially if in the military in time of war. There are a lot of vets like me from the Vietnam era, for we are fast replacing the World War II and Korean veterans as the seniors there. You still see vets from both wars but they are fast moving on to whatever awaits us after this life.
While waiting, I noticed among this varied crowd a woman pushing a wheel chair for a man who was probably from the nursing home, which is connected to the hospital. He was a big man, who seemed to be very sick. His legs which were exposed where bloated from edema; though he looked overweight a great deal of it could also be from fluid retention, so quite possibly he could be suffering from some vascular aliment, and even perhaps kidney failure. I really don’t know, but he seemed to be in a great deal of pain, both physically and psychologically, either one could be overwhelming by itself, but both together, well that could be a real cross to bear. The women pushing the chair, most likely his wife, seemed tired, but there was a peace radiating from her that I could feel. They had a hard time getting into the waiting room, but she managed ok. For some reason that picture has stayed with me, the man trapped in his chair, dependent on others to do the most simple of task, pain, endless procedures that most likely he has to go through and yes, the knowledge that he is a burden to his loving wife must surely weigh on him.
There is truly a great deal of pain in the world, yet it is experienced one person at a time, it is not something you can weigh, no we each carry a portion of it, and are also supported by those who will help us carry it. I do know as a care giver that first impressions can be deceiving since I have never had, nor will have any personal contact with this man, so it is easy to project all kinds of fears onto him that I have about my own future as I grow older.
In reality, even the sick have good days and bad days like the rest of us; we all adapt to whatever situation we find ourselves in and move on from there. I am sure he has friends there in the nursing home that he talks to. Most likely he reads, or if not watches television and most importantly of all, he has a deep inner life known only to God, in fact he is known in ways that he himself is not even aware of. Sometimes our friends can know us in ways that we can be blind to, they can see beauty in us that we don’t, also our faults or blind spots that we cannot accept or see, yet we are loved by them. We offer that gift of acceptance to one another all the time. A gift so common that its value is often over looked until it is lost. Yet deeper still, there is a spiritual dimension at work, hidden, yet there, that accompanies us all on our journeys, and perhaps the biggest surprise we get is the role it played in our lives after we are gone and look back. Of course many don’t believe in any kind of transcendent reality but in the end it probably does not matter, for infinite love is at work slowly in all of our souls.
In my morning mediation his image was strong, and I prayed for him, his wife, and those who know him, take care of him and yes love him. I also prayed for all that were like him, and I guess on some level it could cover just about everyone. As we age we more and more run into our physical limitations, even though our souls feel young and vibrant, the body just won’t respond like it used to. We each have our own path, but we can all reach out to others, in little ways or big, I don’t think it matters, it is in the reaching out that we become more human, also the image that we are created in becomes more apparent when we give out of love or compassion, yet even if that is missing at times, it is still giving.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
