Written a few years ago…
Well I am 59 today,
birthdays don’t bother me
though I have never really celebrated them.
My friends like to at times and I go along,
for it is done out of love,
who can find anything wrong with that?
In some way I like the march of years,
so fast,
45, 51, 53 then behold 59,
getting old does not bother me
for I am different now than when I was 30,
I could not fit into the life of my self at that time,
at 70 will I look back and say the same for me now?
Perhaps, hopefully that will be so.
I know so little
and as the years go by
what I am ignorant of grows
until now I am content with trusting,
and as my faith struggles,
deepens,
broadens,
I am at peace with not knowing.
Yet the mystery draws near in grace,
I feel an inner melting,
a oneness that is pure gift from the beloved,
to me a wandering confused man
who even now does not know his right hand from his left,
who is still very much an immature child,
merely playing,
failing,
and starting again,
yet for the divine there is no beginning or end,
I have always been,
and will always be,
hopefully I will be in the eternal’s love,
that we Christians know as Jesus
who reveals the love of the Father to us all.
One God,
one body,
where Christ is found in the least,
we are called to that to love all as Christ does,
to not judge
since I can’t really judge myself,
well perhaps,
but only on the most superficial level.
For God we are all transparent.
So the years pass,
and I draw closer to the veil being lifted,
for the dark door to open
which I will enter,
if I will it or not.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
