I know Lord that you want only freedom for me,
yet how I fight and cling to my chains,
my own dungeon making;
self forged chains
heavy with manacles tight,
blackened by the salt of my sorrow
yet how I fear to be free,
so trapped in my cell
my arms encircle my chains
hugging them to my chest,
I have no need of enemies without
for to myself I am untrue.
Your love I know,
compassion you wound me with,
for what I cling so tightly to
brings only pain,
its web of illusion ripped over and over again,
until only shreds remain.
My unstable path there for all to see,
yet for all my wanderings and failures
you are there,
how can this be (?),
this constancy and love,
it is beyond my scope of understanding.
For it is your grace that pursues,
your mercy that lifts me up,
how can I condemn anyone
when I am in such need.
Beloved,
I have no words,
sad to say no real tears,
when will I truly allow the chains to drop
to let you love and healing to enwrap me?
The greatest enigma to me,
is simply myself.
Br. Mark Dohle, OCSO
Holy Spirit Monastery
